Free rags for the serfs

London media is fantastically egotistical. It celebrates the wealth of debt and poverty like fashion, it regards anything and anyone outside of the M25 with absolute derision. It celebrates every culture except it's awkward own, and gives good grace to every stray who enters the M25 walls.

Pizza Pleeze Tufnell Park

Modern London happens to be a massively overpriced shithole with a loony, power crazed deluded mayor, an underclass composed of feral packs of uneducated wankers roaming the streets with guns and knives shitting children they can ill afford, stinking dirty streets littered with factory bred chicken bones, local authorities run by a bunch of sleazy PC crooks, hell bent on accommodating every bleeding heart who tramps their way.



Still, at least you can get a pizza after midnight in the company of a piss ridden hobo.

Boston Arms and an old school Egging

A quiet pint on a Saturday afternoon, last rays of Autumn sun. Sounds nice. But we're sat on a picnic table chained to a wall on a 5 way junction where buses, wagons and irritating charvas whiz past on their mechanical wasps with manky grey jogging pants flapping furiously. The junction's busy, really busy.

Then, I feel something fly past my ear and crack then splat against the ceramic tiles of the pub.

Easter Dregs on the Holloway Road

It's a beautiful day. Good Friday in Holloway. Thinking about Sunday lunch. Reflections on the resurrection.

Bollocks to that, I'm taking 'Tel for a walk.

"'Tel - get yer string on we're orf up the 'olloway."

Spacious Studio To Let in N19

We are delighted to offer this truly stunning one bedroom conversion apartment in the heart of Archway. The property is in a semi-detached ex BT phone box and comprises one double bedroom, fully fitted kitchen, open plan reception, shower room and a private balcony.

My Vibrating Flat in Tufnell Park

My flat has started vibrating.

My TV jigs from side to side, my wardrobe rocks, the windows rattle, and the bed shakes. I'm vibrating because of trains, big long heavy trains carrying cement hauled by imported American loco's. Apparently said vibrations from trains are very unlikely to cause structural damage to houses & buildings near the railway.

Dirty flowers for dead people

Something really wrenching about dirty flowers. The petal colours are fading like memories as they take on the filth and grime of the choking traffic and slowly blend into their final surroundings.

She used to drink in the Boston, a touch of colour in an otherwise grey pub. Hit by a 25 tonne truck after her G&T, zimmer frame no protection. No chance.

Here's a glass to you Sheila. Cheers

Drinking with Rosie in Kings Cross

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This is Rosie. She's a run down dirty old bird living on a back street on the wrong side of the development work at Kings Cross.

Tufnell Park Gadabouts

The beer garden is empty, it's Saturday afternoon and the first day of the year when you would even think about drinking cold lager outside. The sun is directly in our faces and is giving us a relaxed glow as we talk about our plans.

A London bus is no place for letting a fart go

Really busy tonight, no room to sit for the new arrivals so they spill upstairs and stand on the top deck. Bloody crap dance music all around me, nose bleed shite - am I the only one who wants to wind down on the way home? I'm reading the free rag thats been left on the seat.

Girl arrives on the top deck with white buds in her ears muffling her senses, she's got two bags of shoppping - off home for a nice meal or whatever. Now, the bus is relatively quiet given the number of people, most are travelling alone so no small talk. London buses don't slow for speed bumps and one of her bags falls over.

For a few seconds the bus is united in titters as she leans down to upright her shopping. She's just farted unnaturally loudly for the quiet bus. Let one rip, never flinched, never noticed, keeps nodding her head, oblivious to the fact she's made most of the top deck smile, broken the boredom, distracted a few thoughts.

Maybe it'd be different if it'd really stunk but it's nice to see a small fart can still raise a smile on a bunch of miserable commuters faces.